Knowing

I take my first step on my journey. Outside, in the open.

Knowing

I take my first step on my journey.
Outside, in the open.

I'm exposed for all to see.

It's really noisy out here. I can't hear myself think.
Are these thoughts even mine?

Hard to understand.
Hard to see with my heart.

Not my fleshy heart, with whims, worries and fears.
My true heart.

My connection to my Father.

I take a step forward on this unknown road.

Is it the right way, I wonder? How can I possibly know?

A prayer, but no clear answer comes.
Neither yes – nor no.

This is scary. My fleshy heart screams "RUN!".

I stand still.

I take another step. A pit opens ahead. The danger is clear.
I back away, avoiding the wrong turn.

Another step on another road.
Still no clear answers.

The noisy smoke about me becomes louder and denser.
It presses me, distracting me for a moment.
The path blurs.
I stumble.

A hand steadies me.

I refocus and dig deeper.
Is this the right way?

Another step.

A quiet strength seeps into my shoes.
Up my body.
The strength of a tree,
a Rock.

The path ahead is more solid than daily ephemera.

A hand on my shoulder. A whisper of hope.

"You're stupid" the voices say.
They're getting louder.
Painful, even.

Another step forward.

Still no clear answer, but still a deep strength, firm ground.

"Everyone hates you. See, even those you trusted are abandoning you!"

Why is no answer coming?

Another step forward.

"You're going to lose!"

"Don't you know I need an answer to my question?" I shout.

No answer still.

I take a breath.

Strength. Peace, deep down, even amid all the noise.

I am quiet.
I focus inward.

And there it is.

The noise falls away,
not quiet,
but quieted.

The strength and peace have drowned out the noise.

And I know.